Ha ha, it’s that dancin’ fool Burl, here to
review yet another movie about a cheerleader camp! It’s not Cheerleader Camp, of course, because I
already reviewed that one; today’s picture, however, features all the necessary
components for a cheerleader camp picture - pom poms, gymnastics, squads competing
for the big prize - except the one it could have used most: a murderous killer!
Ha ha! And the movie we’re talking about today sports the vaguely unsavory
title Gimme an 'F'!
I’ll say right up front that this is a
slightly odd one! In some ways it presents as a raunchy sex comedy: the camp is
called “Camp Beaverview” (the campers eat at the “Beaverteria”), and by the
third act the antagonists are being pelted with enormous urine balloons; but on
the other hand, though opportunities are rampant, there are virtually no nude
ladies in the film, and the plot spends an awful lot of time on the dramatic
life choice problems of Tommy Hamilton, the head counselor played by Stephen
Shellen from American Gothic! (In
this, I think the movie believes itself to be imitating Meatballs, but it’s not a very good imitation, ha ha!)
Tommy’s problem is that he loves antics and
to teach the art of cheerleading, but feels that, at twenty-five, he’s too old
for both these pursuits! He’s apparently not too old to romance sixteen
year-old campers though, which he just barely manages to do without committing
any arrestable offences! Tommy has a girlfriend who’s displeased with him not
because of the antics, but because he wants to stop doing them! (She’s also not
too chuffed about the sixteen year-old!) Tommy’s flashdancing pal is Roscoe,
played by Mark Keyloun from Sudden Impact,
and Roscoe, whose urine fills those balloons late in the picture, is the very
definition of an anticsman, so this makes it even harder for Tommy!
Aside from the counselors, we meet plenty
of the cheerleading campers too! There’s an evil team, the Falcons (pronounced
“faaalcon,” as Americans will do); a sweet and inexperienced team called the
Molene Ducks; and, just for good measure, a team of sympathetic tough girls!
Familiar faces dot all of these squads, faces belonging to the likes of Jennifer
Cooke from Friday the 13th part 6, Daphne Ashbrook from Quiet
Cool, Tyra Ferrell from Tapeheads
and Exorcist III, and Darcy DeMoss
from Return to Horror High and For Keeps! John Karlen from Impulse plays Bucky, the owner of the
camp, whose constant outrage at Tommy and his antics is perfectly within
reason! It’s that Ghostbusters thing:
the villain may be a jerk, but he has a solid point nevertheless!
Bucky is trying desperately to impress a
group of Japanese investors led by the always-enjoyable Clyde Kusatsu from In the Line of Fire and Godzilla! And yes, this group is always
introduced with the bonging of a gong on the soundtrack! Classy move, Gimme an 'F'! Meanwhile Roscoe falls in
love with a member of the Faaaaalcons, and to impress the surly object of his
affections, he delivers chocolates and swings down from trees, but is only made
the guest of honor at a slap party for his troubles! In an extreme of
desperation he dresses like Wez from The
Road Warrior, and surprisingly that is what works!
After performing a long underwear dance in
the shower, Tommy makes an ill-advised bet with Bucky that the Ducks, a meek
bunch of klutzes, can beat the fearsome Faaaaaalcons in the big final
competition all these camps seem to have! (The performance scenes seemed to me
ridiculously elaborate productions for a modest sleepaway camp!) No prizes for
guessing that the Ducks transform from goodie-two-shoed stumblebums to sexy
professional dancers in a matter of days, and the pee-soaked Bucky loses both
his bet and his sanity!
Gimme
an F seems like a movie made by strippers and
pornographers who, jaded by years of exposure to skin and sex, get their
biggest thrill from clothing being left on! Ha ha! It was written by Jim V.
Hart, whose next credit would be Steven Spielberg’s Hook, another movie with weird tonal shifts! The filmmaking is
nothing to write home about, and while there are some impressively athletic
performances, the lack of charm in the leads is everywhere evident! They come
off as a bunch of jerks: Bill Murray could prank Morty in Meatballs and not seem too mean about it, but these guys can’t even
fire a pissbomb at a nasty crank without coming off as despicable! Ha ha, Gimme an 'F' is a pretty poor and
forgettable movie and I award it one locker room flashdance!
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