Ha ha and hi-test, it’s Burl, here with a
review of a picture that’s not pornoo, but darn near! In fact, as with The Sensuous Caterer, some choppy and
abrupt editing leads me to believe the original version probably did dally in
the realm of hardcore pornoo, but, ha ha, I’m just fine with the R rated
version thank you very much! The picture in question is the work of the
prolific German erotechnician Erwin C. Dietrich, and, among other assorted monikers,
(Six Swedes At A Pump, Swedish Gas Pump Girls) it’s called High Test Girls!
Brigitte Lahaie, from Night of the Hunted and other Jean Rollin pictures, plays one of a
sextet (ha ha!) of Swedish girls who operate a gas station and restaurant
called GROTTO in some small Bavarian mountain town! Well, it’s of course a
station that offers FULL SERVICE, and this has the burgomeister of the town in a
real tizzy! It’s a moral outrage, or so he claims!
Ha ha, the English dubbing voice this
burgomeister has been given is a real hum-dinger, and I’m pretty sure I may have
heard it before in either Melody in Love
or Summer Night Fever! At any rate,
the movie is crowded with scenes of the burgomeister arriving for a council
meeting and grumping that one member is late; then the council member shows up
and makes excuses! Ha ha, but what the burgomaster doesn’t know is that each
time a member is late to the five-person council, it’s because he’s been
playing a game of bedroom quoits with the burgomeister’s wife!
In between these scenes we get some of the
various erotic vignettes that occur at GROTTO, including one bizarre and
fastastical scene involving a bearded fellow on television who is able to
effect physical manipulation of a lady over the airwaves, providing she gets
close enough to her TV! Ha ha, talk about your high definition! And of course
every time a gentleman pulls up at the gas bar, one of the Swedes jumps to the
pump with an offer of FULL SERVICE! That one never gets old!
As you might have discerned, this is a
pretty plotless movie! So far as it has a narrative, it involves the town
council’s very slow move toward shutting down the Swedish girls’ service
station, or at least investigating it more closely! At the same time, however,
all the council and many of the townsmen are members of the local oompah
band, which needs a place to practice for the upcoming town fete! They settle
on using GROTTO as their practice location, and in an climax scored to endless oompah
music, the members of the oompah band head upstairs one by one to visit one or
another of the Swedes! Ha ha, and by the end everyone is friends, even the
burgomaster, and the Swedes are free to continue delivering FULL SERVICE to the
gentlemen of the town!
Ha ha, movies don’t get much clunkier than this!
There’s hardly anything you’d call a movie here at all, in fact: just a series
of scenes! And yet there’s amusement to be had, in the weird dubbing, in the
bizarre concepts, in the scenery! So it’s not a total loss! But I do have to
say, as many times as the Swedes remove their clothing, the picture is never
very sexy! It’s odd, but rarely erotic! Oh well! If you like oompah music, you’ll
consider this eighty minutes well spent, ha ha! As for me, I give High Test Girls one Citroën!
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